Bad Life Choices Hotline | recolle

[roseblooms]

[ Because when you call Fawkes out of the blue the first thing you're likely to say is — Hello, Kitty ]


❁ FOR crudest ❁

Comments

[roseblooms]

Oh, come now. You could easily alleviate the problem by simply finding creative ways of shutting me up.

[crudest]

as much as that sounds like something i'd do

you should know that chuuya is the ferociously jealous type

[roseblooms]

I've noticed. It's an endearing trait.

...

Is he the one that confessed?

[crudest]

it's endearing until you get kicked out of some actually nice bars but I guess you haven't had to deal with that yet

the one that I believe yes

[roseblooms]

Seeing as how I don't think he's going to get kicked out of his own bar, no.

And there was one you don't believe?

[crudest]

you should take him out sometime

just someone feelings dumb I'm less worried about that one

[it's Zoro. it's definitely Zoro]

[roseblooms]

So you want me to take someone ferociously jealous out on a date after he's confessed to being in love with you.

...because that sounds like a course of action that definitely won't end up with me in a body cast.

[crudest]

to be fair you wrote him a sonnet

maybe he can just fall in love with you

[he knows it won't work but he's still hopeful dammit]

[roseblooms]

...

It scares you, doesn't it. Because if he loves you, then you have to try to pin down how you feel about him, too?

And either way, regardless of how you feel, if he loves you and you know it then you can never let him go. Is that it?

[crudest]

fucking hell foxy yeah just psychoanalyze me for fun

he's been waiting for three years okay
what the hell am I supposed to do with that
I told him to wait
bc I can't give him an answer based off desperation

but now I wish I said no

[not true. again. but he wants it to be true.]

[roseblooms]

Because if you said no, then he'd eventually have to stop loving you?

[crudest]

he can't keep going
if I give him a real answer then he just can't

[roseblooms]

And the real answer is no?

[crudest]

I'M PISSED THAT I'M NOT FUCKING SURE

[roseblooms]

Well.

Suppose I did convince him to fall in love with me. Would that piss you off, as well?

[crudest]

not really
it'd be better for him

[roseblooms]

Why? What makes me better?

[crudest]

you'd take care of him
not saying you could be forced into loving him or anything
but you said it yourself
he's endearing
he should have a chance at happiness

[roseblooms]

And you won't take care of him?

That doesn't sound like you.

[crudest]

i'd still fuck up
I've already fucked up
second chances are dumb when I haven't done anything to fix my shit

[roseblooms]

...I have a thought on that, but it would involve potentially psychoanalyzing you again.

[crudest]

yeah fine
even i can recognize I'm not in a state for making a lot of sense
but honestly fuck emotions

[roseblooms]

All right. This is how it sounds, then.

If my guess is right, you're both flawed in a way that you don't think is compatible. He loves you and because of that, he lets you get away with things you know he shouldn't let you get away with, which ultimately hurts him. He's fine with letting himself be hurt because he thinks that loving you is worth it, but you don't like it because you don't like it when your people get hurt — especially not by you.

But the problem is that your hands are tied in this, because there's nothing you can do to make him stop letting himself get hurt by you. The only thing you can do is keep him away from you, which you want to do because you care about him.

So, paradoxically, the more you care about him, the more you want to tell him that you don't care about him, because admitting to caring about him will open the door to him letting himself get hurt in a way that you can't prevent, which in turn upsets you because you care about him.

That's why it's easy for you to say that it'd be better if he were with me. Because then you could monitor the situation and know that he was taken care of, and still maintain all of your feelings for him, and murder me if he got hurt, but he'd be shielded from that flaw because he doesn't have a weakness for me the way that you know he does for you, and I'd be an existing buffer between that flaw and him.

[crudest]

if i'm going to be honest
i probably wouldn't be able to murder you

[and for a while that's all he can say.

because fawkes is - mostly right. it doesn't have to be fawkes. it could be anyone that wouldn't be careless with chuuya's heart.

and baren's already made that mistake

so even if he were to want it, he doesn't deserve it]

i am who i am
and i don't know how to get him to realize that

[roseblooms]

And he must not see who you are, because if he did, he wouldn't feel the way he does. Is that it?